Monday, September 27, 2010

Every Rose Has It's Thorn

So when I was 11 Poison came into my life with a song called "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" it was the most amazing love & loss ballad that had come out in so long. Everytime it came on the radio we all cranked our boom boxes as loud as they would go. Poison tugged at our hearts and made us go "OMG I LOVE THIS SONG!" It was the Bilou's signature couple's skate song. And it was the song that when the boy you were totally in love with broke your heart you listened to and cried.... Fast forward 20 something years.. now Miley Cyrus has remade a version of Poisons "Every Rose Has It's Thorn", when I first heard this news I was devistated. Seriously Miley AKA Hannah Montana doing a Poison song! And one of the best ballads of all time at that! She's never going to pull it off and I'm not listening to her destroy Poison's song were my exact words.... I thought, how could this young girl sing this song, how could she possibly know anything about these lyrics... well damn, I sound like my mother right there I'm pretty sure of it. I'm pretty sure she was probably wondering how I could relate the same song to my life at 11 years old. And while I really couldn't relate most of the song to my life at that time, some of it was very personal and I'm sure it was for many kids my age at that time. It's amazing how music can do that to you, while it may not sum up your whole life, you can listen to a song and immediately think of one person or one time in your life, and you just think man those guys understand.. they know what I'm going through. I don't remember having a particular person in my life that I related this song to? But I remember it meaning a lot to me, I remember that it really was my broken heart song for many years... It's funny now to think back on that. To think that all those broken hearts and songs and just growing up was a right of passage... and my daughter is on that journey now. I wonder if Miley's version of this song will be for her what Poisons version was for me?
I'm not too sure about Miley's acting career, "The Last Song" was tollerable only because the book was written by Nicholas Sparks and any of his work is worth a watch when it's made into a movie. She didn't make the roll very believable to me though. However, she sings decent, her pop songs are catchy, she can't be tamed as we've all been told, and I'm changing my mind about her rendition of one of my favorite songs of all time. It actually sounds nice and it's done just the way it should be with a woman singing it. It's hard to admitt because that means I have to admitt that my little girl is growing up, but little Miley Cyrus, isn't little anymore and she is definately breaking free of her good girl Hannah Montana persona. Good for you Miley... and I now love this version of "Every Rose Has It's Thorn".

Daniel Cage - Catch me when i fall.wmv

I love this song, I heard it on Flashpoint. It's a beautiful song, and I can't find it available anywhere for purchase!

Learning to Quit Smoking Day 6

Another day... no cigarettes, no cravings.... except for food lol... So here it is, blogged for 6 days about my quitting smoking, although not all of the 6 days were smoke free, I am proud of my progress.  I probably won't continue to blog about not smoking. I don't have much to blog sometimes and really I like to blog when the mood hits me. So maybe, some days I will have to blog b/c I'm having a rough day but I won't blog everyday just about this. And if I feel like I've learned something from this journey I will most certainly blog it.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Learning to Quit Smoking Day 5

So I didn't blog yesterday evening b/c I didn't smoke yesterday but I went to have drinks with friends last night and didn't want to put on my blog that I hadn't smoked if I would've smoked last night. However, I am pleased to report that I didn't smoke last night!! Not that I didn't want to smoke, I just didn't have the opportunity. By the time I was wanting a cigarette, the general store was closed and no one else was smoking there so I couldn't bum a cigarette either. Crazy, I made it through the drinking evening without a cigarette!!! That means I can really do without them. I mostly want to smoke when I'm drinking with friends or socializing with friends and I just proved to myself that it is not NICOTINE addiction but getting the habit out of my thoughts. The habit of having a cigarette with a drink or with a coffee... if I don't need it then I don't need it ever. I am pleased to report that I haven't had a cigarette in 48 hours!!!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Learning to Quit Smoking Day 4

It's a bit later this evening. I had to watch Smallville and Supernatural first. Today was a bit easier. I don't think I had cravings today. I smelled a cigarette burning today and I thought it smelled gross. It was a pretty mild day, although I think I was getting agitated with Grace, she was very clingy today and made a complete mess out of the livingroom. Picking up after Grace is like picking up after a tornado or earthquake. I didn't really get crazy with the other kids today. They pretty much did what they needed to do when they got home. I worked on my PSP X3 stuff today. I am trying really hard to get at least 100 photos done for my Momma and Mom-in-law. Hopefully I'll be done before Christmas lol, they were supposed to be Mothers Day Presents to go with their digital frames we got them... well I procrastinate what can I say.
We had a nice steak dinner today. I did yell about elbows on the table and watching the TV commericals while eating.. little stuff, yeah but with this no smoking thing going on, little things seem like a big deal to me right now. All in all it has been an okay day though and like I said I haven't had it in my head all day that I need a cigarette... YAY ME!!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Learning to Quit Smoking Day 3

Had a setback today. Unfortunately the good mood I woke up in was short lived by some asshole who managed somehow to get onto my sisters Facebook through her old phone number which is now is new phone number. Anyway, he is douchebag and he was threatening me on the phone and so I had to lash back and then I was just so mad, ugh...!!!! I smoked a cigarette, and then another. So yep I had 2 cigarettes today. I didn't even really need the cigarettes I smoked but thats what I use to do when I was mad, light a smoke, makes sense how easy it was to do that and just attribute the whole thing to being mad. Not that its any excuse at all to smoke, it was just a convienent one. So the rest of the day went off without a hitch after I cleared that situation up. I got my daily 3 done, made the bed, did a load of laundry and straightened up downstairs (not that you can tell with Grace running around all day). Spent the rest of the day hanging out with Meghin and watching shows. We watched Detriot 1-8-7 which looks like it might be an okay show. And then we watched Hawaii Five-0 which was even better than I expected it to be. We also watched Dr. Oz, man if I actually watched all of his shows I'd be at the Dr. EVERYDAY!! If you're already a little crazy, watching him will make you insane lol. I didn't crave a cigarette most of the day. I did find myselft getting edgy at my usual time (when the children get home lol) it subsides a little bit, but I think with homework stress b/c my kids seem to take hours to complete it and the evening stresses of dinner and showers and all that good stuff I have a tendency to want a cigarette bad. Right around 530-6pmish when I'm starting these blogs. I think thats why I picked this time to blog real quick b/c it takes away from the time to smoke. Yeah I know the kids need showers, and Billy is still working on homework, but dinner is done and they've eaten so I have a few minutes before it gets crazy in here again. So I thought I would try to keep a little log of the times a day I feel edgy and the times where I'm thinking about smoking down... I thought if I did that I could work something around those times to make sure I'm busy so I won't start pulling out my hair or breakdown and buy smokes.
0630 wake up - facebook - all hell broke loose with a stranger...weird, thought I needed a cigarette
0745 smoked my 2nd cigarette of the day
0830 started my daily 3
0930 done with the daily 3 feel like a coffee but not really a cigarette
1045 STARVING!! am I starving b/c I'm hungry or b/c I want to smoke and I'm thinking if I eat I won't smoke?
1430 Aiden and Emily home, I'm pissy cuz Emily lost her dog tag sheet that needed to be signed I NEED A CIGARETTE before I smack her mouth for yelling at me.... but I don't smoke one, I make her put her nose on the wall instead.
1700 UGH!!!!!! Kids fight with each other, I need a cigarette, but I talk to Nelson on the phone a bit (which may be counter productive since I usually want to sit out back and have a smoke when I'm catching up with Nelson lol) and then I feel fine, eat some dinner...
1730 I want to unwind, I feel like I want to sit outside and have a moke, but I decide I'm going to blog instead...

I feel like maybe today I've been craving smokes more, or maybe it's in my head or maybe it's just b/c I was paying more attention to what I was thinking today??? Maybe I'm crazy? Maybe I should just have a smoke? Maybe if I have a pack in the house I won't crave them?? I have no cigarettes so unless I get off my ass and walk to the General Store I won't have any... everyone knows I'm not gonna get off my ass to walk to the General Store so I guess I'm S.O.L...... So Day 3 was not much of a success in terms of no smoking... I smoked 2 which was more than I smoked on Day 1 and its weird to me since I didn't smoke yesterday? Anyway, I guess I'll wait and see what tomorrow brings me.............

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Learning to Quit Smoking Day 2

It's 530pm, I haven't really craved a cigarette today. I did a lot of things around the house, cleaned a lot, then watched some soaps, then downloaded some graphics so I can start working on my photo tags and scrapbook pages again. I felt a little bit stressed when the kids got home. Today was they're early day. I did yell at them for not putting away their stuff when they got home and for just walking around and over stuff instead of picking it up. Pure laziness, and they don't want to pick up anything that belongs to someone else, so I had had it and let them have it. No one is talking to me now. Grace doesn't seem to mind, she crawled up next to me on the couch and went to sleep. I'm just going to blog random thoughts because its a way for me to stay busy. Even if I'm talking about not smoking, I'm hoping by keeping my fingers busy I won't want to go smoke. It's weird though, I'm a nail biter, however, everytime I quit smoking I stop biting my nails... hmm... you'd think it would make me bite them more? So it's breakfast for dinner tonight then working out I suppose then Survivor, Criminal Minds and then I think I'll read a little bit before going to sleep.... Hopefully I won't go into crazy lady mode when all the kids come in for dinner.... This is the first day not smoking at all!! My morning rountine was a Chai instead of coffee, run the kids to school, come home and start in on completing my 3 tasks for the day.. today it was more like 11 tasks and I was still done before 11am. Maybe quitting will help me get back into my creative stuff on my computer? My thought for today is the more busy I am the less time I have to think about having a cigarette....

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Learning to Quit Smoking....Day 1

This is my latest journey in life....
Dear Mom and Dad,
I know that I had told you I quit smoking awhile back, and I did. However, I started again awhile ago. At first it was just socially when friends were over, then gradually it became everday again for me. I was smoking about a pack every couple of days.
Now I am pledging to quit publically in my blog in hopes this will help me quit. Everyone knows how much I hate to disappoint my fans (lol) so I will be blogging my no smoking progress for you all. Today is Day 1 of my journey. I woke up and didn't do the normal grab a coffee have a smoke. I had a Chai instead and Facebooked. I did the normal routine of taking the kids to school then went to the City Mill to get some stuff to help me organize my closet. The closet looks great by the way. I didn't really feel like I was craving a cigarette all day? Later in the day I went to pick up Billy and when we got home I had a huge outburst. I bitched at Andy really for no apparent reason other than I was pissy. My temper feels short this afternoon. At 630pm I felt as though I'd had enough of the stress and actually had to go have a cigarette. This is my only cigarette of the day. I think I feel better now? I have always said I could quit whenever I want that I don't really crave cigarettes and maybe I don't? However, I felt like if I just had one smoke it would mellow me out. Spoken like a true addict. Cigarettes are an addiction just like booze and drugs its just suppose to be much easier to give up. I have been a smoker on and off since I was about 14. But I've never truely quit. Even though I've said I quit, I've always started back up again.
So, non-smokers and those who have quit for awhile any suggestions? It's not as easy as you would imagine it to be. I do know I can do it, it's just a matter of setting my mind to it, changing my habits and just learning to live without them. I know that it will improve my health and it will be benefical to my children to have non-smoking parents. I think the toughest part will be not smoking during social events with friends and not smoking when I feel like the kids are on my last nerve. The other hardest thing is going to be not blowing up at Andy when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Because he doesn't really take it well when I get bitchy with him, he gets bitchy back then I just get more bitchy (if thats even possible).
Please check my progress and give me the encouragement I know I'm going to need to become smoke free. My blogs about this progress will probably be full of emotion and randomness. You'll have to hang with me. I'm sure some of you will get a good laugh and thats okay. I welcome the jokes and laughter and sometimes I might not be very "haha" back with any of you cuz it just might be a day that I'm crazy bitchy but bare with me I WILL ENDURE and I WILL OVERCOME MY NICOTINE ADDICTION.... what's the rule? One day at a time right???
1.) The kids health
2.) my health
3.) my public pledge to quit
4.) my family
5.) my friends
6.) a better life
7.) they cost too damn much money
8.) it looks trashy
9.) it smells awful
10.) my Nana, Grandma and Grandpa have all died from diseases associated with smoking

Sunday, September 5, 2010


It's been awhile since I last posted. The summer has come and gone with a blink and a blast and the children are back in school. I'm reflecting today on what I've learned this summer and how much I enjoyed it. Funny coming from me and the fact that I hate this Island rock I live on. Ah, paradise... I learned this summer to love the little things. To love the sun and the beautiful way the air smells when you step out the door in the morning (except of course when you can smell the pig farm). I've learned not to make snap judgements so much about strangers, but to still be reserved in my dealings with them. I've learned that the people in your life that are important to you will take you as you are, no matter what you say or do. I've learned that my children do not come with a manual. No matter how hard I try I will never make them perfect people but I will make them individuals who believe in something, who stand for something and who I can be proud of. Even if they are making me age at a rapid pace.
I've learned alot about me and about Andy. Now more than ever I believe we were always meant to be together. Even the little nit picky things that get to me about him and get to him about me are an important part of who we are together and we wouldn't have the same love without all of it.
At this point in my life I've found all the little reasons to be happy, and it has made me happier here even if its not my first choice of places to live. The fall season and the holidays are fast approaching. I'm looking forward to Halloween and celebrating that with our friends. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving and Dave's fried turkey and Meghin's hasbrown casserole. And I'm looking forward to decorating the house for Christmas and enjoying the smells of baking cookies and pies. Before I know it, it'll be a new year, we'll be on orders to go to some new crazy place and I'll be excited and nervous for another new start.......