Thursday, September 23, 2010

Learning to Quit Smoking Day 3

Had a setback today. Unfortunately the good mood I woke up in was short lived by some asshole who managed somehow to get onto my sisters Facebook through her old phone number which is now is new phone number. Anyway, he is douchebag and he was threatening me on the phone and so I had to lash back and then I was just so mad, ugh...!!!! I smoked a cigarette, and then another. So yep I had 2 cigarettes today. I didn't even really need the cigarettes I smoked but thats what I use to do when I was mad, light a smoke, makes sense how easy it was to do that and just attribute the whole thing to being mad. Not that its any excuse at all to smoke, it was just a convienent one. So the rest of the day went off without a hitch after I cleared that situation up. I got my daily 3 done, made the bed, did a load of laundry and straightened up downstairs (not that you can tell with Grace running around all day). Spent the rest of the day hanging out with Meghin and watching shows. We watched Detriot 1-8-7 which looks like it might be an okay show. And then we watched Hawaii Five-0 which was even better than I expected it to be. We also watched Dr. Oz, man if I actually watched all of his shows I'd be at the Dr. EVERYDAY!! If you're already a little crazy, watching him will make you insane lol. I didn't crave a cigarette most of the day. I did find myselft getting edgy at my usual time (when the children get home lol) it subsides a little bit, but I think with homework stress b/c my kids seem to take hours to complete it and the evening stresses of dinner and showers and all that good stuff I have a tendency to want a cigarette bad. Right around 530-6pmish when I'm starting these blogs. I think thats why I picked this time to blog real quick b/c it takes away from the time to smoke. Yeah I know the kids need showers, and Billy is still working on homework, but dinner is done and they've eaten so I have a few minutes before it gets crazy in here again. So I thought I would try to keep a little log of the times a day I feel edgy and the times where I'm thinking about smoking down... I thought if I did that I could work something around those times to make sure I'm busy so I won't start pulling out my hair or breakdown and buy smokes.
0630 wake up - facebook - all hell broke loose with a stranger...weird, thought I needed a cigarette
0745 smoked my 2nd cigarette of the day
0830 started my daily 3
0930 done with the daily 3 feel like a coffee but not really a cigarette
1045 STARVING!! am I starving b/c I'm hungry or b/c I want to smoke and I'm thinking if I eat I won't smoke?
1430 Aiden and Emily home, I'm pissy cuz Emily lost her dog tag sheet that needed to be signed I NEED A CIGARETTE before I smack her mouth for yelling at me.... but I don't smoke one, I make her put her nose on the wall instead.
1700 UGH!!!!!! Kids fight with each other, I need a cigarette, but I talk to Nelson on the phone a bit (which may be counter productive since I usually want to sit out back and have a smoke when I'm catching up with Nelson lol) and then I feel fine, eat some dinner...
1730 I want to unwind, I feel like I want to sit outside and have a moke, but I decide I'm going to blog instead...

I feel like maybe today I've been craving smokes more, or maybe it's in my head or maybe it's just b/c I was paying more attention to what I was thinking today??? Maybe I'm crazy? Maybe I should just have a smoke? Maybe if I have a pack in the house I won't crave them?? I have no cigarettes so unless I get off my ass and walk to the General Store I won't have any... everyone knows I'm not gonna get off my ass to walk to the General Store so I guess I'm S.O.L...... So Day 3 was not much of a success in terms of no smoking... I smoked 2 which was more than I smoked on Day 1 and its weird to me since I didn't smoke yesterday? Anyway, I guess I'll wait and see what tomorrow brings me.............

1 comment:

  1. Maybe you're crazy? i can answer that one if ya want lol.
    and i KNEW you couldn't go very long without findin a way to blame me for smoking lmfao (kidding, sort of).
    and you're idea of keepin track of when you crave a cigarette, hope it works for ya but for me it would be pointless because it would look something like this: from the time i woke up until the time i went to sleep...craved a smoke! btw, don't be so hard on yourself...2 cigarettes isn't bad at all!!!