so what am I doing then?

The mind is a terrible thing to waste... it always stands out to me, it always has. But the reality of the situation is I just cannot grasp why this seems so crucial to me, yet I'm so bla-zay about it. I mean seriously... what. am. i. doing. with. myself. right. now. that. has. any. relivancy. over. life? When am I going to pull myself out of this rut that has become my day to day? When am I going to stop letting nay-sayers hold me back and finally grab onto the firery reigns of hell and go for it? When am I going to start realizing my dreams and full potential? When am I going to stop whining about what I can't do and start living what I can do? When am i going to wake the hell up???

When will I ever get there? This is my pity me for the moment blog... but I don't live here... why don't I live here? Because I'm damn better than that, and for all the stupid shit I've been through and done in my life, it seems that I've done a few things at least right and that must count for something... right? 

I just can't imagine what it is I'm suppose to take away from turning on this computer and logging into a blog that I haven't touched since January 2, 2014? That seems odd that at this very moment in time I would find it necessary to take myself here to remember what it actually looks like and what the last thing I may have posted was. Looks like the same old same old, but for some reason I feel like I have something to say... and it feels like something that every one should get the opportunity to hear me say... oh I know, I now have goals and ambitions... we will see if my argumentative brain has any discouraging words to crush the fire I feel inside... like its my time... I gotta do something....

Stay tuned... I don't have all the answers yet.... but, I have cool shit in mind....