just thinking...

Notice I always blog when I'm in reflection....

I have a daughter starting HIGH SCHOOL!! What happened where did time go to? My baby Emily is a FRESHMAN!! It's completely got me thinking of all the things I did... of all the things I don't want her to do... of all the things I should've done and didn't. Of all those people that watched me grow into who I am today.
By the time I was Emily's age I thought I had been in love twice. I thought that I would be best friends with my inner circle for life and that we would buy houses next to each other, have kids at the same time and grow old together on the same street. Turns out, I wasn't "in love" I was learning what love was about. I am still FB friends with most of the people that were in my inner circle, but we've grown and gone different directions and I don't think any of us live on the same street? I thought that my hair and clothes were important, that who liked me was more important and that if I didn't have my friends I had nothing in life. Turns out, fashion changes, and the only thing important about my wardrobe is that it doesn't have kid snot, spit or vomit on it, and it has limited dog hair over it. And while having friends is important, having family is the most amazing thing I've ever done in my life. Trusting that there are a few people that if I said COME NOW I NEED YOU... they would without hesitation, really is all you need. But I know that it's nice to see old familiar faces on FB and to see all of those lives and where they are today and be happy knowing we all survived our teenage years.

As I think about Emily starting high school I keep thinking back to everything I did then.. Everything I remember and all the women who tried to tell me so and I was not listening.... as Brad Paisley says "its safe to say that, I'll get my payback" .... I am!!
So I'd like to say thank you to my mother who.... told me that Jason Butler was not the end of the world and that I would have many boyfriends in my life. I remember thinking.. you have no idea what you're talking about!!  My mother who immediately told all of my aunts when I needed a training bra and when I got my period.. I remember thinking she is the most embarrassing woman in the world. My mother AND dad who hated Greg Whitwer.. all over some un-shoveled steps. I would like to say sorry to my sisters for ruining it for every guy that had the courage to walk into our parents home... we're still hearing about that today, it was like 21 years ago, you think they'd get over it??     My mother who did not approve of that Donahue Boy!! Who told me he wasn't good for me and who grounded me over and over again... I remember thinking BUT I LOVE HIM....   hmmm... turns out.... we weren't good for each other, and we both survived our horrible break up. Chad you are always in my memories. My Mom who thought my friends were crazy but let them all stay at our house almost every weekend, who took us to dances, who took us to the skating rink who bit her tongue more times than she cared to.....
Mom, remember that time we came home from the dance it was like 80 degrees and I was wearing a turtleneck? Lol... that was dumb... I hope my daughter never comes home with a hickey, I may lose my mind just like you did.....
There were so many times I thought you were unfair that I thought you didn't understand that I didn't like you very much.... looking back, when you told me to keep my hair out of my face, I shoulda listened cuz I hate it when Emily is eating and her hair hangs on her plate, when you said you can be anything in the world you want to be, and why don't you be a lawyer and buy me a big house, I should've listened, I may be done paying off law school by now..... but I think I did pretty good this way....
when you told me not to kiss that boy, I should've walked away, cuz you knew he'd break my heart and I'd be devastated... took me a long time to get over that one....
when you told me, don't sign anything... I should've listened, slept on it then picked Germany as my first duty station. I still would've chose MP and still would've signed the paper anyway. When you said are you sure you want to marry him.... I should've thought long and hard about that, I don't regret those babies but I wish I would've been more grown up before I got married that first time.
Momma you've been more important to me than I ever could've known at 13 or 15 or even 18... but I know it now b/c my 14 year old thinks i'm unfair, uncool, miserable, old and that I am trying to ruin her life... think one day she'll tell me I'm cool again? I love you momma

theres some other people that were crucial to me being me and to me growing up.
Gram, she always knew when I was bullshitting her.... damn it!! I hope I have half her skill as a bullshit detector....
Aunt Shelly - tell it like it is, you listened to everything I ever had to say, you told me exactly what you thought and you set me straight when I didn't have a clue.... turns out I needed you in my life.
Donna - thanks for getting me through my Jr. and Sr. year, for taking me to the hospital when I broke my foot racing out to that boys car... thanks for letting me cry and calling same said boy a jerk when he broke my heart and then telling me I shouldn't talk to him ever again, but giving me the phone every time he called after that. Thanks for getting me ready for Prom, and NOT laughing at my hair, even though I think you were lying when you said it looked great.... Thanks for helping me with graduation and driving with me to college that first day.

Now that I'm grown I still have challenges and freak outs, they're just very different. Now I look at EMILY and its like looking in the mirror at a 14 year old version of MYSELF! That, I hate you, you're stupid, roll your eyes, talk under your breath, brat ass teenager I once was.... KARMA.. it's all karma.

Now when I need to cry I call Gail, cuz she is a strong woman and she, will tell me like it is. Set me back on the straight path and laugh at me when I need to be laughed at.

Momma you are still there too, to tell me I told ya so and say ugh huh... and is that so and to laugh at me b/c you know that it's your prayers that gave me Emily and you know exactly what I'm in for....... this is me right now ROLLING MY EYES AT YOU! Cuz I know you're laughing.

If I could give advice to my daughter now that she'd listen to, it would be this...
take your grades seriously!! Please don't just get by., try out for every sport you want to and don't let anyone tell you you can't do it. Make friends, lots of them, don't let them walk on you, but don't walk on them either. Don't make ANY boy your life, chances are you will have your heart broken many times before you find the love of your life, and he probably won't be someone you meet in high school. Chances are you'll also break some hearts and it's okay, don't stay if you're not happy. Sex isn't necessary to be popular, or to be in love and if you feel pressured by someone to "do it" please tell me so I can tell Andy, your Dad, and your uncles so that one of them can go beat someones ass. Don't be embarrassed when I really am carrying a pistol or cleaning a gun when you bring your first boyfriend to our home, it's just a little scare tactic, harmless I promise. Don't drink until your old enough and by that I mean legal age... it's not worth it and it's really stupid. Don't smoke pot, and don't do drugs, none of it is cool and I will whip the crap out of you. But as I'm telling you all the Don'ts..... I should say.... DO: laugh A LOT at yourself and your friends. DO: have boyfriends, but never let them "have" you, DO: fall in love, fall out of love, go to homecoming, support your school, fight for what you believe in, have a voice for yourself and be a STRONG WOMAN..... and know that even when I'm pissed, even when I'm so mad at you I can't see straight and you're grounded forever, that I love you, I believe in you and you are PERFECT to me.......
I know now that all those women in my life my mom, my aunts (all of them) my Nana, Gram, Donna.... they all thought I'd be somebody and they were all trying to make sure it happened....... I love you all.... and want to say to you, NOW I KNOW.... NOW I KNOW, and you all possibly were right all along.....

MAN!!! 4 YEARS OF sleepless nights, worries, anger, sadness, happiness, pride, joy... how much grey hair will I have on Emily's graduation night? Anyone wanna make bets?

Army Life

I'd like to set the record straight on some preconcieved notions about how glamorous Army Life is. While I wouldn't have my life any other way than with my soldier, I'm not so sure I'd recommend this life to my children? Do I want them to serve? I would be proud to have my children serve any branch of the Armed Forces but, to be a service member you have to sacrifice family and to be a spouse of a service member you sacrifice tiny peices of yourself and you also sacrifice family. I suppose people could argue that you have to do that in any profession, I only know what it's like to be part of this world though. Maybe I should go back to my first statement, that I'd like to set the record straight about Army Life.
I would start with what is argued the most and that is the pay. Facts and statistics show that soldiers make much less than their civilian counterparts while doing double the work load. There is this notion that we (soldiers and family members) receive free healthcare. Soldiers go to the Troop Medical Center for everything. Family members have the option of Tricare Prime or Standard. With Prime we go to the Army Medical Facility closest to where we live. With Standard we are given the option of choosing a medical provider in the local community that has been approved by Tricare. If we need specialized care, we have to get referrals approved and then we have to go where they send us. We also have the option of getting our medications on post, but if we have to go off post for medications (say we see a Dr. outside of our normal Dr. IE the local ER) we have to pay a co-pay just like civilians do. If the spouse is employed and carries insurance or has insurance other than Tricare, they must use that insurance first and then and only then will Tricare kick in. I can't complain about the medical care too much. There is always a long wait at the ER so I avoid it if at all possible, you don't always get Dr.s you like, appreciate or who you think know what they are doing. Sometimes you get Dr.s who are just going through the motions and want to use you as a drug test dummy. We still have to make appointments just like civilians, and sometimes we're lucky enough to get treated well. Civilians should note that just because we get free healthcare doesn't necessarily mean it's good AND that doesn't mean soldiers should get paid less than you just because they don't pay for healthcare (sometimes they do pay for it).
Lets talk a moment about TV vs. Reality... The Unit is TV there aren't really wives who do their own missions w/ our elite Delta Force or Special Forces. Reality is wives do the bills, the laundry, the cleaning, maybe the cooking, the wiping of childrens snotty noses and dirty butts, they walk the animals, they do the shopping and they say "yes babe, everything is going good here, you focus on deployment" even when the world is tumbling down around them. Army Wives (Lifetime) is TV. Reality is yes some wives are friends, yes there are a few you can depend on, but, most Army Wives don't walk around in high heels, designer jeans, run Hump Bars, have our own base talk shows, all of our housing and pay problems aren't that easily solved and our soldiers deploy for more than a few episodes at a time. With that being said, I have one pair of designer jeans, I wear them with heels, sometimes I dress up just to remember that I am beautiful and I don't have to have any particular reason to do so, and I can still juggle the house and the kids while doing so.
There are beautiful things to being an Army Wife living an Army Life.... traveling all over the country and to other countries.... Each of my kids being able to say they were born in a different city and state..... I have made the most amazing, wonderful friends that I could ask for (naming all of you would take up too much space)..... I am on the longest Hawaiian Vacation ever! Yes sometimes it sucks and sometimes it's boring, but I got to come here on the governments dollar, the beach is gorgeous and the weather is fine.

Here's a few quotes I got from other people http://www.armywifenetwork.com/ ...it's pretty amusing and so true.
You know you're an Army Wife When....
-You pack up your house every 3 years and move across country.
-You know the words to the Army Song, and Division Song and you sing them at every military event.
-You carry an ACU purse and diaper bag and you know what ACU stands for.
-You know what BAH, HDP/FDP, BAS, COLA mean and you know to take your butt to finance IMMEDIATELY if any of these are missing.
-Your baby points to every soldier in uniform and says "DaDa"
-Your children yell "Hi Daddy" when your Skype starts chimming.
-You see your spouse more on the computer than in person.
-You know his SS# better than your own
-Hurry up and wait is an acceptable, normal part of life.
-You see your family only for weddings and funerals if you can swing the airfare.
-You sleep with the computer IM on, the cell phone, and the house phone turned max volume, just in case.
-You post Happy Birthday US Army on your FB/Myspace/Twitter
-The ready for deployment Ruck is considered furniture in your livingroom.
-You tell your kids there's going to be a Korean Air Defense Drill today that when it does they need to go inside, and it doesn't phase them.
-You answer questions with words like "roger" and "hooah"